2009-01-10, 2:37 a.m.

I have never been so thankful to be alive in my whole life as I do tonight. we hit some ice while driving to Claresholm tonight, consquently hit the ditch and rolled 2-3 times. the truck ended up facing north, with the passenger door up. it took both off us to get my seatbelt off and to get the door open. Jumping from the door was much higher than I anticipated. The worst part of the entire thing was that we couldn't find Rico, we saw Sadie run right away and somebody who stopped grabbed him and put them in their vehicle, but it took long enough for a police to find Rico's foot prints that i was fairly certain that we weouldn't see him again. i was so so upset, but they found him. it's all I can think about. I guess that realy does make me a cat lady... I just can't get over it. I would fall apart without those cats. So the tow truck arrived, and only had room for Darren, so he took Darren to Claresholm and a police took me and the cats to High River, where my dad showed up unexpectedly. It was one of the hardest choices I ever had to make, whether to go with my dad, or to go with Neil and Jack who showed up in High River... I knew I had to be with darren though, it was so so so hard saying good bye to my dad, knowing he drove all the way there on the bad roads, and was going home alone. He just told me I needed to get myself together, I don't think he knows how to deal with crying females. I'm too shaken up to really cry yet... It will come I'm sure. Right now my nerves are just so bad... I had my computer sitting on my knees and they shook so bad I couldn't type.
We are alive, we have most of the stuff from the trucl, all I've realized I'm missing so far is my cd wallet with some movies and Gilmore Girls discs in it, I;m hoping that it will show up, and that there arent too many pairs of my panties floating around in the ditch.
i don't know what to do, I'm so scared to try and sleep, I'm terrified that it's going to play over and over in my mind.
I have the worst accident related post traumatic stress/anxiety as it is. i don't know what to do with myself, i feel like I need to pace... do something with myself.

life - death