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2008-10-27, 9:15 p.m.

I find that everything has been an uphill battle lately. Nothing can just be easy. Whether it be the actual situation or how I'm managing to deal (or not deal in many situations). School just feels never ending, a meaningless yet very expensive series of me sitting awkwardly in a class full of people who would never bother to talk to me, work hurts, it's cold, tiring and thankless, I'm underpaid and under appreciated. My relationship is struggling, we have hit a standstill, a point where neither of us are ready to leave, but not ready to compromise what we want in our future. I have one friend, one person who is always there, willing to listen. I rarely see him, and our small amount of phone conversations have been very short and awkward, I've known him for 8 years, and suddenly we have spent many hours of our days talking on MSN, but a male friend you've had for years is always different than the female confidant that I am always on the hunt for.
I am so lost, sinking just enough at a time for it to seem like I'm never going to get to come up for air. My self esteem is lower than ever, apparently my insecurities are the cause of our relationship problems. I'm always to blame for everything.
I'm supposed to be writing an essay, I have been sitting on front of my computer for two days straight and it still isn't even started. I still have 14 hours and 19 minutes to go.

life - death