i don't know why i act the way i do.
my house is full of people. 17 of us. i'm pacing... not quite old enough to sit in with the adults, and far too old to be with the kids. i feel like i've constantly just been in the middle. don't quite fit in either side. but that's alright i guess. my cousin lindsay called me anti social, brandon called me scrooge. i took a bath tonight, with out house full of company, filled the tub with water as hot as i could stand it, and just tried to let it purify me, hoping everything would just melt away. it helped. a lot. my uncle made me a paralyzer, it didn't help so much, i'm thinking of having a few coolers. i listen to emo when im neurotic, and everclear when im psychotic, country when im sad. in my stereo is brand new, everclear and kenny chesney. i'm not really sure what i'm sad about. i'm so excited for Darren to be back, it's only been 48 hours, but i miss him. i guess that's when you KNOW... when you miss somebody even just after a day, sometimes i miss him even when he's just left my house. i'm content, but my mind is scattered. just not too sure what to do. i should go for a run to try and burn off some of my nervous energy.
*the face that's in the mirror when i don't like what i see, i guess that's just the cowboy in me.*