Alberta bound until I die.
2004-12-24, 1:35 a.m.
I'm just sitting here and thinking. I should be sleeping. I work at 9 am. Another 8 hours of selling CD's to people who lack souls. Thinking that I'm regressing, and I'm repressing. I've been eating... sorta. But am once again craving the sharpness of the forbidden blade. But it's ok now, I have the ability to not cause as much harm to myself as I have in the past. And all of this, for no other reason, than my simple self torture that I seem to indulge in so frequently. Most people need a cup of coffee in the morning, I, more often than not would just like to see my own blood.
I spent WAY too much on xmas gifts, I used to call it christmas, but due to a point Darren made, I have too decided that it shall be xmas. I didn't necessarily decide how much I wanted to spend on each person, but I bought them what I felt was right. And seeing as I have nearly unlimited amounts of money available to me (well not unlimited, but far far too much), I went with it. And now I'm worried that I got it all wrong. The clothes I bought My D were too small, and I have to wonder if Mike wore the clohtes I bought them even if they were too small, just to avoid telling me and potentially hurting my feelings... My first xmas since I was 16 without him, not really quite sure what to make of that. Shrinks "work through" certain topics with their clients, I've been working through things in my head. Figuring things out, messing things up. All the self analysis that anybody could ever want. Well, everything I bought today is all around the living room, and if it's not gone by morning I'm assuming that my mother is going to be putting it all in the backyard...
*would you catch if I was fallin, would you kiss me if I was leavin, would you hold me 'cause I'm lonely... Without you*
life - death