2006-04-12, 11:32 p.m.

well. i'm bored. i should go to bed because i work 9 hours at rona tomorrow, outside in the garden centre, it's supposed to be beautiful out. i'm sort of excited. except for my absolute lack of knowledge of anything relating to plants. i've already killed 3 plants since we've lived here. this can be partially attributed to the cats tho... i had a gerber daisy that was soo beautiful, i bought one for my mom too, and they pretty much instantly died, and people kept asking me why i had a dead dandylion.. so i returned it to rona, they thought i was such a moron i think. and i have some little primrose plants, that i just transplanted into a plant box last night, and i came home from the gym this morning to see Sadie playing in the dirt that he'd removed from it. there was dirt everywhere. including in the fridge and freezer.
i feel discontent... sorta antsy. maybe cuz im used to winding down from a work out at this time of night most of the time, but i went at noon, everybody always tells me that you'll have more energy through the day if you go in the morning, but it just made me feel drained and bitchy all day. this girl who i worked with very breifly when i first started at garage came in with her 1 week old baby today. at first it made me want to cry, and then i just felt sick and depressed for the rest of the night.
maybe i should just put myself to bed. somewhere over the course of the past monthes, i have totally lost the ability to express myself, or possibly i just don't have anything to say anymore. i dunno. work seems to be the center of my existence. but i'm finally starting to meet people at rona, there's always somebody for me to talk to in the lunch room. a lot of the males in there seem especially eager to introduce themselves to me, there aren't very many females under the age of 40 around, and i'm probably 1/5 that is 20ish. and all of these men soon find out that i'm as good as married, and i refer to myself as "we" most of the time, which may be weird.
im starting to doze while sitting sitting here, and talking nonsense to darren.
i apologize for the pointlessness of this entry, as well as my entire life.

life - death