You can't say that I didn't love you
June 12, 10pm

7 monthes ago today we went to southcentre, i was wearing my ass jeans. We were so happy...our first day together, as a couple. Right now I feel like I'm living in a movie. I'm not supposed to cheat on the only boy who she's ever loved, and loves her back. Loves me soo much.... and I love him so much in return. I fucked up. I'm listening to country music. I'm living in regret and guilt. All I want to do is kiss you and tell you everything will be alright. I wish I knew what you were thinking, and that you were ok. And what all the cryptic messages in your diary entries mean. I wonder if you still want to do something with me on the weekend...What you're thinking about us. I already had to dry out those roses, but the grad flowers are still alive. Yesterday work felt like a movie too, like those scenes that they show in fast motion where there everybody is super busy trying to do a million things at once. SO frustrating. I had a million things to do...

Darren : Alli, are you busy?

Alli : Yeah I've got a million things to do

Darren : OK well I need you to find a place for those 3 stacks of the cds at the back

Alli's thought bubble *thanks Darren*

Kevin's little brother just called me sad ass for wanting to be a cowboy and for listening to country music. Silly little hick child, lives in the centre of Cowboy Alberta and listens to rap... Shows what he knows.

I have a small note for you. I drove by your building tonight, I wished I had a key to put 1000 apology letters everywhere, and love presents all over your apartment. I want for you to smile again. I want to wake up beside you again. I don't want to be threatened by a 55 pound prick. FUCK YOU! I got a $50 grad cheque from my aunty today. That makes me happy. I'm sooooo broke. Pretty much the end of my money cept for 50 was spent on beer at the pub last week... Fucking stupid for drinking $5 beer. Well I'm not having a very easy time trying to say what I wanted to... Good night. I love you. I really do. Let me make it up to me.

life - death