Safer on the outside
June 22, 6pm

Wow... it's been a while. FINALLY got a new moniter. Well it's not new. It's used, and old. Oh well better than nothing. I've barely left my bed all week. It's so pathetic. Just talked on the phone and slept. Yesterday I woke up at 1, had a nap at 6, and then went back to bed at 1am. I can feel myself getting shut off from everybody else. 3 people call me. So basically I interact with 3 people plus my family. Oh well I'm going to go start working sometime this week, I don't even know if I want to get out now. My school friends don't call. Nobody really gives a shit. Oh well. I don't really like them either. Seclusion is fun. If you want to talk to me, then talk to me, but on my part there is going to be no effort this summer. I'm tired and I just don't care anymore. And I've realized that over the past few monthes, about 20 people said they would come visit me at work, 2 came. Mike and Aly. Even though Aly never saw me because i was always in the back, it's the thought that counts. THANKS PEN, and Justin, and Alison, and Megan. FUCK YOU ALL. No discount for you :) Arg. I think I'm finally hungry. YAY Reed got a motercycle! I said he should name it Alli. naw we decided Alli wouldn't suit it. Now he can come see me this summer when I'm brutally being abanded for almost all of July. Mormon's are funny. And I finally finished my cousin's hemp jewelry to send to him. he'll be happy. Considering he bought the beads in like Feb or sometime.

I don't really know what i want in life anymore. If anything at all. I'm so confused and so young, kinda being forced to move on in life pre-maturely. I can't decide whether I like being a hermit or not. It shows who really gives a shit. Isn't it funny that i can count the people on 1 hand?

I was so mad on friday night for getting ditched, then felt bad for leaving a rude message on their cell phone, to find out yesterday that they spent the night in the hospital. oops. Oh well. I didn't know that.

And Josh, you won't find him in any yearbook. but he said I can give you his name, phone number and address if i want to.

No matter what you say, I have this feeling I'm going to be dumped in the near future, Just a feeling, and it won't go away. I know I deserve it.

hmmm well i'm gonna go write emails to the only person who's sent me any in the past 10 days.

life - death