2005-03-01, 1:55 p.m.

it was a rough night to say the least. for the first time in our near 5 month relationship, my conversation with darren ended on a bitter note, and me in tears. my dad's gone to psychotic. i called to talk, not to have my slightly less than desirable attitude critisized. last night, i was sitting on my bed, with a text book on my lap, and my dad decided to demanded me to be cleaning... because once again he is threatening to sell our house. so does anybody have a couch i can sleep on until august? i cleaned up a bit, but my dirty laundry away, not a huge effort on my part. but fuck... so he awoke me an hour before my alarm was set for this morning, i was already planning on getting up early to do the studying that i was too depressed to do last night. so he woke me up, and screamed at me until i again was in tears, he called me a baby i said to him "you should fucking talk" just to see what would happen... he still doesn't care for swearing too much, to say the least. so today fucking sucks. darren hasn't called or text messaged me yet today. i wonder if we're still going to watch sponge bob and make seashells tonight... i can't help but be scared of what might happen. i just wrote my mid term in developmental psychology. my mind was somewhere else and i didn't get much studying done at all. the muffler on my more driveable of my 2 cars died last week, it sounds like a tractor, you can hear me coming from like a block away. i feel like such trailor trash. in order to come home at night i'll have to coast from the end of my street or something, as to not awaken my precious father... or the rest of my block. maybe i should text darren... i don't really know what to say. but i don't want to fight. actually i don't really want to do anything other than cry. and maybe a long hot bath. but his arms... that's where i'd like to be. there are 15 more minutes until i need to be back in class. i think i'll go let myself become absorbed by my emo... feels so good.

life - death