I may be a loser but at least I'm not alone
July 3, 12:37 am

I'd like to think that the worst is over, that everything will stay beautiful. I got to fall asleep with you. My dad didn't say a thing. How did I manage to get away with this? AGAIN? Soon! Warped was fun, just because I was with you. Too bad we both had sore backs, do you suppose it's cuz we slept weird? I love how I would wake up at random times during the night (even though we didn't go to bed till 5am... but hey) and I'd just say something to you, and you'd always reply. I love you. I want to fall asleep with you forever. I'm not a child anymore, my dad can't watch my every move forever. I will rebel, and break my dear father's heart, but it needs to be done or I will be living my life as a 12 year old until I'm 35. We had some such nice talks. I'm going to miss you so much if we're apart for that long... I'm working out dates. I'll know more after I see a work schedule. I might quit anyways, and find a job somewhere else for august. They want to give me like 8 hours a week for only $7.05 an hour, which really sucks... My little brother has FINALLY aquired some decent taste in music. No more "hip hop" Which is very pleasent for my ears. I'm eatting a meal, for the first time in so long, it's gonna make me sick, and guilty. It's so much easier to just not eat. I told my dad on the way home tonight that I'll stop eatting and that he can just give me the money that they would be spending on my food. He called me stupid. I'm disappointed we missed the fireworks, but it was surprisingly fun just sitting with you on that bus for 2 hours, I'm sorry if you think I was being stared at, I wasn't provoking anything. But you gotta admit, that 240 was worth staring at. *drools* We'll see some fireworks during stampede. I'll make myself look really horrible. Maybe I'll take a make up and diet lesson from Rene. I think that's a brilliant idea. I always forget how good the Red Hot Chili Peppers are, amazingly calming. The lyrics are kinda abstract but that's neat. Sun flower seeds are fattening...I'm half surprised I'm not bulimic. I know I have a problem, it's spiratic (I can't spell) So I can pretend it doesn't matter. But what am I supposed to do about it? I loved walking from Southland with you at like 2am. It was so nice. And waking up with you to that insane storm. You held me tight, Lizzie too.

Everybody on here has like a million people on their buddy list, and tons of notes, I barely have any. 2 notes that count, 2 that I would rather not be there. Maybe it's a good thing nobody really reads this? None of my girl-friends are really into this thing. Pen's all secretive about her diary "OH MY GOD... I THINK JEREMY LOOKED AT ME" Yeah she's really deep. The whole friend area is one of the only aspects I'm not pleased with right now, besides my whole money problem. But my family is good, my boy is amazing, but I can think of 1 person other than you who I would really consider a true friend, I'm sure you'd rather him not be. But he's always there for me. Lets me ruin his weekends with my tears.

"Scar tissue that I wish you saw, sarcastic mr. know it all. close your eyes and i'll kiss you cuz with the birds i'll share, with the birds i'll share this lonely view" I love that song... So beautiful. My brother tought himself how to play it on my guitar. I won't let him touch it anymore. I want to learn to... Lets have guitar lessons, Lots of them, you can sit behind me, just like you like to, and take pictures. I want to feel satisfied with my playing. In the late summer I plan on taking some lessons at the Guitar Connection. I will not be a failure to you!!! I will be you're guitar girlfriend. Or as Ullis said (and I do love her for it) Rock star guitar princess. (i think you should say it "gee-tar" though to get the full effect) The Hockey night in canada thing tonight was the funniest thing ever, I loved that commercial. I always wondered if it would really work. I should hang out with Alison more, she's a sweet girl when she's happy (bi-polar) and I think she just needs to feel accepted and I had fun with her tonight. Is it ok she tagged along with us for a while? if you're in town can we go to her BBQ? Why aren't I putting all of this in an email? I don't know... And why am I asking myself questions? Another mystery.

I'm almost jealous of them, getting to go to BC tomorrow, not working around bus schedules or any of that BS. We need a car... 1 stupid piece of crap car between the 2 of us. I really want to go away with you, whether it's to BC, Edmonton, Banff or Manitoba. Hopefully all of the above, in the near future. hahahah "I'm a dick, I'm addicted to you" I'm listening to a Simple Plan. I saw them today! You did too!!!!! Oh How it feels good to be calm again... Soo good. I should go to bed soon.

I love you sweetie... I'm so glad all of this shit is behind us. Lets not fight anymore.

life - death