TAKE ME AWAY!!!!!!!!
2006-02-13, 3:23 a.m.

im so tired. and my nerves are so bad im shaking.
im fantasizing about leaving. I need a vacation, maybe something more. I was at this bc ferries webpage. staring at their webcams, which i think are for traffic and weather... just trying so hard to see a bit of the ocean. or some happy person going on vacation... but then again it's nearly 2:30am in bc. and the ferries aren't running.
i've been kinda sparse with my correspondance lately (for me anyways) i'm not feeling very articulate, I'm feeling so much and just thinking all the time, but I can't get it all our properly. Which leads to me disappearing. maybe this is me just trying to take off when the going gets rough... me avoiding what's going to be occuring in the next couple weeks. stuff that's likely going to upset me.
We can't find an apartment. We applied to a condo, and I guess she didn't like us, cuz she never called. apparently the market's 'tight' right now. so we think a lot of peopel are choosing people who are well. not us... people who have stable jobs and references (i have neither) and people who aren't landscapers. but i promise. we're nice!!!! But I do have a job interview at Rona!! I think they pay reasonably well, and it's soo close to Southland if they decide we're worthy enough for that place... Doubtful.
It seems strange that I'm about to sign a 6-12 month lease when all i can thinki about is being on vancouver island. even if i was all by myself. anywhere but where...
ew I'm gonn have to go to my interveiw with a face full of acne. attractive. my face is soo dry that it hurts but i'm still breaking out but can't use any cleansor. stupid hormones.
stupid fucking everything in the whole wide world.
Well maybe not everything. Everything feels weird... My relationships with people, with myself. I'm in this tight little bubble and I'm having a hard time communicating outside of it.
nobody likes me at garage still. oh well. if i get the job at rona i can call and quit. aand then i can have valentine's day off. but then again... i should be working as much as i can to get a big a cheque as possible by the cut off.
bah. im gonna go to bed... maybe csi miami is on at 4. it's 3:37. i think darren's waking me up around 10 to go househunting if he doesn't go to work.
i love my kittens, but we're going to have some sibling rivalry problems. i was holding rico today and sadie started meowing at me. and then he climbed my leg. we cut all their claws but those fuckers still hurt!!! every 10 minutes they're doing something new and funny, and they make me happy.

life - death