status quo. hum ho.
2014-01-16, 8:13 p.m.

Having one of those days. Kinda bleh, kind of discouraged.
Had a meeting. My position at work will still not be changing, after a year. My coworkers get $3-4 raises this month. Due to being "office support" instead of a "clerk." I get 97 cents. 97 whole cents.
Days like this I half joke that I should be the poster child for 'DO NOT BOTHER WITH UNIVERSITY'
Although usually, I just feel grateful that I have a job. And it's still a pretty high paying job. It's the comparison to my peers that gets me down.
I don't understand me sometimes. I just survived what ended up being 100 lay offs, and I'm still pissed off and resentful. I tell myself 100 times a day "at least I have a job" but it doesn't seem to have any sort of impact on my mood.
I feel discouraged at the fact that I finally have the means and time to travel (not even to far off exotic places, just ANYWHERE) and I can't quite convince anybody to go with me. Pen and I had talked about it in the fall, after her trips to Europe, Chicago and Hawaii, she told me that she was sorry she couldn't afford to take a trip with me, but after Christmas we could plan something... And now she ignores me when I bring it up. And really... i don't blame her. It just gets old in this position.
I am disouraged that I have been in a relationship for over 9 years, with somebody who doesn't want to get married.
I'm half contemplating taking a mental health day tomorrow. Although in reality I know that it won't serve me any good, I will stay in this house and sulk all day and feel sorry for myself for not having anything to do.
So I'm boring. I'm bored and I'm ridiculous. And I can't stop complaining even though i don't really legitimately have anything to complain about.

life - death