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2012-10-16, 8:38 p.m.

Dear student loans
You ruined my day today
You made me want to cry today
You spun me into a whole evening of self pity and feelings of unworthiness.
If i stay at my current job, I will be living on a very very tight budget for the time being. My loan payments are going to be more than my rent.
And now I have gone from feeling like I was 15, and obsessing over decade old bullshit to worrying that I am never going to be able to afford to have a baby, or take another vacation, that I will have to sell my car... I have never once expected a free ride, or for anything to be handed to me. I know I have to work and work hard, but does it always have to be this hard?
But what is there other to do than carry on? Are there really any other options? I will be ok because I have to be.

Although, Pen did send me a job posting for her company that sounds good. And I did apply for what sounded like a perfect job at MRU, but the posting closed a week ago and I haven't heard anything, so I am starting to lose hope. But I guess that's part of the whole post-school life right? I had no idea what I would be so clueless as to what kind of job would hold me for a couple years. I guess when you go to school for 8 1/2 years, and specialize your schooling to become a teacher, you don't really consider other options, you plan on being a teacher.

This is hard. There is no other way to describe it.

life - death