I'm too tired to make sense.
2012-01-20, 12:44 a.m.

Dallas Green, you said it best:
"And I'm afraid
To sleep because of what haunts me
Such as living with the uncertainty
That I'll never find the words to say
Which would completely explain
Just how I'm breaking down"

So over the past few days we have been in the midst of a cold snap, it has to be pretty cold for a pretty decent length of time for it to be considered a cold snap where I'm from. It's been around -30 to -40 with the wind for almost a week. And I love it. I feel like it gives me an excuse to a)wallow b) be a hermit
So as this cold snap nears it's end (it's supposed to be a high of -18 or something without wind tomorrow) I felt an uncharacteristic surge of optimism today. I felt content, I felt OK. More OK than I have felt in a few weeks at least.
But, at the same time I have this nervous weird feeling in my stomach, and I don't know why. It's kind of the feeling of anticipation, but really know know what I am anticipating. Maybe it's just hope. Hope that something good is just around the corner. I keep letting myself lean on that feeling, and then talking myself down from it, reminding myself not to get my hopes up. I feel like I am an eternal pessimist, hence why it seems weird for me to feel the hint of optimism.
This is all just a bunch of garbage, I am nearly asleep.
I miss you so.

life - death