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2011-11-06, 10:15 p.m.

No matter how old you get, there is just something so hurtful, so damaging about the feeling of being excluded. When you feel like you're unwanted or unneeded, like you're in the way...
There was an episode in Gilmore Girls when Rory is working as an intern at a newspaper, the guy tells her she will "make somebody a great secretary one day"
I feel like that is being implied every time I am sent to do photo copying, am sent to do menial tasks when there are special events going on, am asked to run and do things *twice* when the school pictures are being taken so that I won't be in them.
It hurts just as much as it did in jr. high school, if not more because it's by cognitively aware adult, not a ridiculous spoiled 12 year old girl.
I'm ready to be done being a student teacher. I am listening to a cd I made pretty much exactly 10 years ago, it was a huge comfort as a 15 year old, and now at 25 I turn to it for the exact same reason, comfort. Feeling like like I am disposable. "Short music for short people" I hope i have this playlist forever.

life - death