2011-10-02, 7:43 p.m.

One of these days I hope that I can turn into the type of person who can adjust to change and new situations without feeling like they are going to have a meltdown. These multi week long headaches at the beginning of every school year (and sometimes every semester) are really getting old.
I hope that some day I can be the type of person who can quit procrastinating and get their work done in an appropriate amount of time, and then still have the time and energy to put towards doing things other than procrastinating in front of my computer.
Even two weeks into my final practicum I still feel like I'm fighting the entire process. Last week I was sent to retrieve coffee for somebody who I am actually paying to have as a mentor. The week before she sent me to the staff room to deal with her dirty dishes.
It feels like every where I look, the signs are telling me that I am not cut out to be a teacher, but I have no idea what I would do alternately. I feel like I am completely stuck, trapped. For the past few months I have been exploring other ideas and bouncing them off other people, just to see their reactions, they have included stuff like plowing/sanding for the landscaping company, going to hotshot or drive a pilot truck on the rigs. All semi ridiculous things that I would really hope to not have to resort to, but what else does somebody with 2 university degrees go and do when they don't know what to do?
In the back of my mind, I knew that I might have to take some drastic measures next year due to the fact that even if there were any teaching positions I probably wouldn't be getting one. But due to the new PC leader who was voted in last night, there may be teaching positions available after all. I received an email from my grandma this morning, telling me the following:
"Hi Alli Did you watch the news to hear about our new Primeminister? Her first act will be to restore all the funds to Education that were cut. I think she did it so you would get a good job. Ya Hoo See you soon Love"
I am aware that it was not a new prime minister that was voted in, but it was a sweet email nonetheless. But it puts me back to the position of "oh shit... I might have to do this every single day, 10 months a year, for say... 50 years?"

life - death