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2011-09-19, 8:00 p.m.

Today I started the first day of my 2nd year of student teaching. And just like last year, I feel like I'm fighting it. Like this isn't where I'm supposed to be. That I don't have the energy that I'm going to be required to put in in order to succeed in my program. That I don't even care enough. I have a splitting headache coming from my neck, and I'm so tired I could feel myself dozing off all day. You would think after a summer of landscaping and working 10 hour days easily, that doing the 8-4 thing would feel easy in comparison... but for some reason it just feels like torture. It turns out I am required at Parent Teacher Interviews on Thurs. night until 7 30, and all I could think was "dammit, I'm going to miss Grey's Anatomy." Probably not a good sign!

Oh well, such is life. I have $66 000 in student debt, and I'm going to need to pay it off somehow.

I think there are 2 reasons that I don't quite care as much as I should. First being, that I really just want to have a baby, I feel like I'm just putting my time in elsewhere until the timing is right for me to get pregnant. And also, there are no teaching jobs in pretty much all of AB or BC, so it seems like I am putting in all of this work to go work at Wal Mart or something in the end anyways. Just seems kind of pointless and expensive.

I'm going to sit in the tub and hopefully soak away this headache. I think I deserve a massage on Friday :)

life - death