Happy 8th Birthday Diary
2011-02-11, 5:48 p.m.

8 years ago, on this day, at this time, I was making my first entry on this diary. At that time, if somebody had asked me if they thought I would still be dealing with the same issues I was at that time (other than having a melodramatic sucking the life out of me boyfriend) I would have laughed, and figured that by 25 I would be all "grown up" and have my shit figure out by then. Kind of funny how I feel even younger than I did at 17. I'm wondering who I am, who I was, who I'm going to be... yearning for the past, and the people who knew me back then. And it seems like most people have the capacity to move past those days, and the people who were in them, which also means that I have been left as well.
Do most people still feel this lost at this age? Does it have anything to do with the fact that I haven't made the "steps" that a lot of people my age are making around this point in their lives? Finishing school, buying houses and new cars, getting married, having babies... Maybe I am stalled.
It's almost funny how many of the same complexes I still carry around with me this many years later. I still am constantly fearing/feeling that I am being forgotten about/left behind, and as everybody else seems to be moving forward in their lives, I feel this more and more. I still obsess over my weight/body image, although now probably more justifiable so compared to when I was 17. I still long for that one person who can't live without me- and who I feel the same way about me. I don't want to be the girl that he can take or leave... sigh.
Maybe one day I will grow up. But probably not.

life - death