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2009-02-16, 2:51 a.m.

so here I am, at nearly 3 am, crying alone over anything I can think of. Realizing that on my upcoming graduation day I will have no photos of me with my friends and class mates, there will be nobody outside of my family cheering for me when they call my name. After completing my 5.5 years of post secondary schooling, I don't know anybody who I will be graduating with this spring. I don't know why this didn't occur to me earlier and why it is so devastating to of realized it now.
When i was 18, 2 boys wanted to marry me. When I was 20 I was proposed to while wearing sweat pants that were too short, by a man who no longer cares to marry me, doesn't care one way or another. Who didn't realize that I may appreciate some sort of romanticism to be involved on the day I would remember as 'the day i was proposed to' it happened in our living room, likely a mess. it was raining, my hair was probably dirty, I was wearing my glasses. It shouldn't matter, I don't know why I'm so upset. a few days later it could have happened on a beach, in the mountains, by our favourite water fall, and I regret to some degree that it wasn't like that... I always said that it was better that way, that it was more 'us' but I guess that's just the way life goes for some people.

life - death