2008-01-21, 9:07 p.m.

There is something about the beginning of a new semester that seems to bring on relentless anxiety within me. I'm not sure exactly what provokes it or how to stop it. I'm only a week into classes, I don't have any deadlines approaching or even anything later in the semester that I'm worried about, not at this point anyways. I have two papers to write all semester, and one is due in mid-march and the other in mid-april. I don't go back to work for almost 10 days. But my heart is beating out of my chest. I called my mom because she was the only person I could think of that would understand, and I suggested that the sudden crash in the stock market today might have stressed me out a little bit, but I can't imagine it having this sort of effect. I've actually sort of been looking forward to a slight drop in the economy, especially if it meant that all the eastern Canadians would go home so our rent can go down. haha. wishful thinking. It's interesting that oil has dropped about $13/barrel in the past few weeks, but gas prices have decreased by 2 cents/litre. And they say they aren't gauging us.
I don't know that I have ever been so fed up with somebody in my whole life. It seems that as time is progressing, Darren is getting more difficult to live with/more useless with every passing day. I am spending a significant amount of time doing dishes every single night, and I only ever use like a few dishes a day... He spilled a bowl of Greek salad into the drawer with all the cooking utensils the other day, and then just dumped them all in the sink, the smell was gagging me (I hate Greek salad, the smell just turns my stomach) and he kept saying he'd do them, he didn't, and I couldn't leave them any more, so I did it, but it's my fault that I did them he said, cuz APPARENTLY he was going to do them, I just didn't want to wait 3-5 days... Nothing better than the smell of rotting greek salad soaking in the sink. I am frustrated beyond belief. And more and more I feel guilty about being a useless shithead through my childhood and not helping my mom out. I could have ran a vacuum through the main floor more than the ~5 times I ever did, or did a few more loads of dishes. Oh well, I can't really go back now, But I know now not to accept that from any potential future children of my own.
So I finally have an appointment with a real chiropractor tomorrow, because the pain in my hip has become unbearable, and it's started to hurt in my left side too, not just the right. So it's time to make sure that my bones are grinding or something like that. I'm kind of worried she's going to tell me to not be too active, because I've gotten into such a good gym routine. I'm just starting to notice some real results, and I'm soo happy about it. My tummy and love handles are slowly shrinking

life - death