biggest loser you'll ever meet
2007-05-14, 5:42 p.m.

I don't know if I've ever been this depressed over something other than man troubles... Seriously I don't even know what to do.
I promised myself I'd have a job by May 7th, which was last monday, exactly a week ago. And if I didn't, I would have to call Doug and ask to go landscaping, thinking that would be a sure thing, that he would take me back for sure. So I called Doug, and he said he didn't need me immediately, that the trucks were full. So I'm like, thinking he would call me the next night (I know the 4 guys he had starting didn't show) he doesn't call. So Wednesday, I hear that Rachel started, and I know for a FACT that Rahcel hadn't talked to Doug as of the previous Thursday, so I think she called him Tuesday, and started the next day. And another dude's girlfriend is working there too.
So what the hell is wrong with me? I know I'm not as big and butch as fucking cuntass Rachel, but I fucking did my best last year.
I spent 2.5 hours in a staffing agency, I've emailed and delivered many resumes. And I am hearing back from NOBODY. I'm going to do the painstaking follow up calls tomorrow. How is it that in a city with such alleged labour shortages, I can't even get a job as a fucking LABOURER. Yeah. I'm not impressed. It's fairly pathetic that so much of my self worth is being damaged right now by being wanted by Doug. I don't really want to work with Rachel again anyways, but my situation is getting desperate. I NEED to work, in order to pay rent, my insurance, cell phone, cable, buy food.
FUCK I am so grumpy and so irritable, an Darren is going to give me shit when he gets home cuz I didn't go out and put any resumes today. I was gonna drop one off at World Health Club, but I think they'd laugh at me, a fat girl working in a gym? LOL. I'd be the giant advertisement at the front door "join this gym, it obviously didn't work for me!" And if this shit wasn't enough for me to stress out about, I'm having my wisdom teeth out on the 24th, so if I HAPPEN to get a job *haha* then I have to tell them I'm gonna need a few days off. And the stupid ass surgeon won't give me the valium I was told previous I was gonna get. I'm a fucking stress case at the best of times, I'm squemish as hell, so put me in a dentist (or anybody talking about anything medical) I squirm, and get all light headed, and VISIBLY shaken up, you can see me freaking out from a mile away. But NOOO I only get IV drugs. YAY for me, stick another fucking needle in the nervous freak,

life - death