2007-05-08, 1:49 a.m.

I saw Everclear tonight. It was freaking fantastic. Although Darren didn't enjoy himself in the slightest, and the girl who came with us didn't really know any of their stuff, so neither of them wern't really as into as it as I was... Some of it was just too beautiful. Although I think their sound quality could use some work for sure. I never wanted it to end. They had a meet and great, but it was like 12:30 when the show ended, and Darren has to be up super early, so we just left. But I would have been super excited to meet them. Oh well, some day. It will be a goal for my future, oddly enough, it's probably one of my only goals, and the most attainable. haha.
ack. I feel like such an emotional headcase. I'm depressed, and moody. I'm not doing anything, and therefore don't want to do anything. It's brutal. I still don't have a job for the summer, which is very bad. I went to a placement agency last week, and had a 2.5 hour long interview to be offered one job, and that would be doing data entry in a warehouse, and I don't think I want to do that, I'm too used to being active and running around all the time. So I was pretty meh about that... In that 2.5 hours I had to do all this testing and stuff, the math was brutal, I realized I havn't had to do math without a calculater since grade 6... How the hell am I supposed to remember how to do something from 10 years ago? So after that fell through I went and took resumes to the TD banks near my house, but there wern't any managers who were available to talk to me, so I just ended up leaving them, and nobody has called me, and I feel too self pitiful to call them... My plan had been to work at direct energy, but from what I can tell, they want business students. So today I sucked it up and called Doug and told him I could landscape, and well... He doesn't need me right now, he hired 4 guys who are starting tomorrow, and he'll call me if he needs me. Which MAY have been his polite way of saying "no thanks Alli, not you, not this summer"
I wish I could just cry, and move on with my life instead of being stuck in this rut of pathetic.
On Thurs. morning Dare called and woke me up to see if I wanted to work (in the pouring rain) and the funny thing was, is that I was really excited, just that they needed me. I have this desperate need, to be needed... wanted... Anything. At least my cats need me, Sadie is all curled up on my lap. But I'm not sure if cats are really enough.
I'm a bad person, I hurt the only person who can seemingly tolerate me.
Perhaps it's time to take this pity party to bed.

life - death