2007-02-08, 11:56 p.m.

I've been thinking a lot about karma today... As most people who know me, as well as my partner's in crime know, I have done a fair bit of things that could deem me as deserving of bad karma.
But today, I saw this lady trying to back up a hill in an old truck out of McMahon parking lot today, she was having very little luck, but I didn't know how I could be of any assistance to her, so I just went about my business, brushing morti off, so she calls me to help her out, so I hopped into her truck, while she pushed, another girl joined her in pushing, and we got that truck up the hill. It was scary, for sure. But I felt good for helping her out, she seemed sorta worried, like "oh fuck... what do I do?" and then i started thinking... what if me doing something good (for once) will bring me some good karma...
and i think it actually did... my 240 sold today. this is quite a shock, as well as a tiny bit sad to me... i had my own little private good bye with him this afternoon as i went to get my plate off it and a tire out of the back seat that has been there for the past year for storage. i thought i'd cry. but i was quite strong in the whole situation... but it's a relief in many ways... helps out with the financial situation, which even with an extra thousand dollars, is verry verry poor, to say the least. and it doesn't help that i have all these expectations for that money, and i've made all sorts of promises, fancy meals, gifts for myself and others... oh well. it's just money... but im so far in debt...
But I have a guilty conscience about selling the car... the kid came ot look at in sunday night... called monday and offered me 900, i said err maybe. he called back a couple hours later and said 1000? and i said ok. so he comes tuesday night, and it's doing EXACTLY what it did on sunday when he looked at it. it will start with a boost, but once you unattach it from the other car, it dies... so he signs the papers, gives me a deposit. and changes his mind. then he went to my advertisement and wrote all this stuff about my car, basically what shit it is... so i threatened him. told him that i was gonna let it slide. but i was gonna take him to court. he tried to call my bluff... but he fell for it and was like do you just want me to buy the car? and i said yes... thinking he was being sarcastic. so he said he'd meet me today... i never thought he'd show... NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS. i was nervous to the point of not being able to function... and he was there. with cash. and he bought my stupid car...
is this bad karma for me?
i told my mom i felt bad. and she said not to. because the guy who sold it to me wasn't feeling bad, he was laughing.
so either something bad might happen to me, redeeming in my act of bad karma. or i've finally broke even for being ripped off for buying that stupid car to begin with?
opinions on the matter of karma? But in news unrelated to karma and my other nonsense ramblings... There was a summer job fair at the University yesterday. And there were more like 'summer job' type opportunities there, that didn't require you to be like an accouting student, or any of the other types of sudent, all of which i am not. i feel so much more reassured now, instead of dreading the summer. I've been dreading the summer since I quit landscaping, and I don't know why. i think i've felt like i'm so limited to what I can do, like I can either work at Garage or mow lawns for Doug, and neither of which sound really appealing. So my first possibility is to work for the Glencoe Country club, I could either work for the front desk, which sounds good, or doing maintence, which oddly enough, sounds even more appealing, it's $13 an hour, but it's only 5 hour days 6-11 am. reeally early. but i THINK since it would be such short days, i could work a few days a week somewhere else, just to make it so i was working 40 hours a week, either at garage or perhaps at the front desk of the country club. but i've got to find somewhere that will allow me to be home early enough so i can be in bed by about 9... i dunno if i can handle that. but the winter club is also verrry exclusive, and they're hiring in many areas, and if you work more than 15 hours a week you get to use their gym, which i bet is amazing. and they give you $1000 for tuition. which would be amazing... my conscience won't shut up. i just keep thinking about that little emo boy, and his fat little friend, with his Tigger touque out there in the freezing cold, trying to make that stupid car run. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP is the money worth my stupid ever persistent conscience? well i feel guilty about everything else, and it all generally passes with time. so hopefully this will as well...

life - death