where's my damn headphones
2006-03-26, 11:17 p.m.

seeing all the families/father-children at rona is making me ache for my childhood. for the days when it was my dad taking me to what was then revy. and when all the cashiers knew me by name at totem cuz i was cute and talkitive.
i dunno if this is a personality trait of mine specifically or if all people do this, but always just feel like it will be that way again, when it really can't be. i'm not gonna be 4 again. i'm not going to be the little girl at her daddy's elbow... (i used to get hit in the nose with his elbow so often when i was little cuz i stood so close, and my grandmother used to step on my toes) me and Dare want for dinner at my parents again last night, all the time, I can't help but notice how much I'm becoming like my father. and not even just his anger and temper. but there was so many times last night when he'd say something, and nobody would know what he was talking about, and i'd finish his sentence. he's a lot more subdued than he generally is. i miss him. i miss him a lot. at night he and i often used to talk. about stuff. cars. stuff on the news. just whatever. cuz he's quite smart, and he's not going to hold back his opinion or what he thinks of yours. he still asked last night if i could get a transfer to the rona at crowfoot... i love our apartment. and i like living here, as long as i can't see, hear or smell any of our cohabitants. but it would be so easy to go back to myparents when i start university in september. and i'm pretty sure that me and darren and the kittens are more than welcome to move in there. althought i'm not so sure how izzie would react to 2 little cats running around. he fights with all others of his same species. it would be so easy. and i'd have money again. lots of money. working 2 jobs is killing me. i have the worst stomache ache right now, i'm pretty sure i'm going to throw up.
and my brother bought a bronco yesterday. it's actually pretty cool. we had one when i was a kid. everything brings back so many memories. absolutely everything. everywhere i go. i wish i was a kid again. i was sitting crammed in the middle between darren and andrew, and this barney bentall song came on, and all of a sudden, it was just like a flood of memories. although i don't remember any specific time when i listened to that song. i guess it might have just been on the radio when i was younger. i'm really liking this classic rock station right now, the eagle, way better than 107.
i'm so into music right now. i'm a music person in general, as everybody knows. but sometimes it's just on without really caring about it. but right now everything sounds beautiful. maybe it is easier to appreciate the beauty in things when you're feeling low.
2 things that are reeealling pissing me off... Darren's whistling, and when people feel the need to check if they have more than 1 bill but like snapping them. fucking obnoxious. and that's the end of my rant.
Good night, I'm going to bed. 28 more hours of work to go this week... and then i get 2 days off., And I get paid from garage tomorrow. yay.

life - death


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