2006-03-06, 11:37 p.m.

So here i am, however much later. with a new home, a new address, a home phone line of my own, and this strange sort of emptiness I've never quite felt before. Until today, there was 1 person who phoned me during the entire past week. It was braden, asking me if we wanted any of the furniture that is being removed from his deceased mother's house. And well... that's sorta sad. And now I can't help but question as to why I sooo badly want a home phone number, when my cell phone never rings anyways.. And out of 20 new emails in my inbox, not of them was anything but junk. and not one note in my nexopia or diaryland... *sigh* why am i even surprised? I keep waiting for mail, even though I just changed all my mailing addresses like a week ago, so today when a survey arrived, I was pretty excited to mail it and then you usually get samples and junk mail, which in my reasoning, is better than nothing. But i opened the envelope up and it was a survey about like if you've ever planned a funeral, and what kind of casket you would prefer for yourself. i deemed it bad kharma and ripped it up and threw it out. im kind of annoyed about the whole thing. that's like offensive junk mail. or maybe i'm just looking for something to be pissed off about, after being a terrible bitch for the majority of our first week together, i realized that it had to stop, and i have to choose my battles very carefully and learn to let the little things go, which is something that is very very difficult for me. I just don't think I'm a very nice person...
Garage is getting better, I've started to make friends with a few of the girls. I find that as they find out i'm 20, and not 16, that the bitches are a lot nicer... I think one of the girls i was working with was on meth... which scared me, but she got transfred to market mall. it seems like all douches get transfered there. it happened at hmv too. and one of the 15 year olds apparently knows one of my cousins and informed me that she had an abortion in grade 7 or 8, and that she in her older sister do fuck loads of E, which is scary as hell, considering they're like 15 and 18. and i found out another coworker had an abortion... she was all like yeah i had surgery yesterday. and she was so calm that i just thought it would be like her foot or something. so i asked her later, just out of curiosty and she was totally open, and told me she had an abortion. and then i almost cried. and i spent a few hours last night with the pregnant coworker... somehow i got recruited for sitting with her during the 3 hour floor cleaning after the stoor closed last night. i dunno if i like her. she's a bit much.
and i finally met a girl my own age, who's in a long term relationship. and i can kind of relate to. we're not much alike, but the girl talk just helps me soo much, i really look forward to the days i drive her home because we live quite near each other. we had a long sex talk while standing at the front of garage the other day. heh...
so whatelse... we have a dishwasher, which up intul today was being used for storage of our dirty dishes until we found the dish soap our bought dishwasher soap. well today we got both. and the dishwasher seems to be broken... damn. we have put a lot of stuff on my credit cards lately, just because it had to be done. It always has made me mad when people get in over their heads in debt with credit cars. but now i understand,....
so yeah... we have unlimited long distance with out digital phone, so if anybody wants a phone call who lives away... and also I'm trying to accumulate some pen pals so i can have some mail. im kinda lonely. it's hard that darren goes to bed so early and leaves me up to sit around. on fri and satnight i was soo sad, sitting around alone listening to people partying and laughing in neighboring apartments is so depressing. i know that the tv/internet are going to quickly become my new best friends... more so.
i'm still getting used to living with kittens. they are sooo much more difficult than izzie. rico is pretty much attached to my shoulder, i eat my breakfast and brush my teeth him with there. and both of them insist on being in the bathroom while i shower. it was kinda weird at first, but i got used to seeing 4 shiny eyes seeing me naked. im terribly allergic to them, but im hoping i'll just get used to them instead of having to take allergy pills. my nose is and eyes are constantly itchy and i get a lot of nose bleeds. they want to sleep in my bed at night but i always shut them out, it's too much of a disaster in there and i keep being worried they;re going to knock stuff over.
And me and Darren went to see Curious George tonight. As soon as we walked in ( a bit late of course) i just started smiling as soon as i saw the screen, a smiling cartoon monkey and jack johnson singing. it was sooo cute, i loved it. I wish i had named rico curious george.
hmm well im kind of tired of living in a fucking mess. and im tired of being late for work everyday, so i resolve to do better this week, and to be less of a bitch... I should go to bed right now so i get 8 hours of sleep, but I'm just so happy to have cable tv again that it's hard to drag myself away. dead like me is on in an hour, which means i'd have to stay up until 3... yeah i started this at 11:37 and now it's 1:03... oh well i guess sleep is more important than tv.. and i want to read. im finally getting into what's been a long and dry book....
good night all
somebody please be my penpal?

life - death