congrats to kevin!!!
2005-12-23, 1:19 p.m.

It's so strange to get news like I got last night. A girl I vaguely recognized came into the portrait studio last night, I figured she probably went to BP with me, but a grade ahead of me. So we talked, she named a bunch of people off, and finally got one I knew, this tiny little adorable guy who I had a crush on when I was in grade 8. Turns out he OD'd on coke and died 2 weeks ago. I was just astonished... It really shook me up, I wanted to talk to somebody, my mom was asleep at home so I talked to my dad and just told him how scary I thought it was, and he said something about how it's not scary for him cuz he's not the loser or something, and my mom didn't really have anything to say about it, and darren's comment was "that's cute" I guess not everybody reacts as strongly as I do to these situations, but it would have been nice to talk to somebody...
Argh. I woke up with my teeth clenched cuz my dad is making a floor at our backdoor, which involves a lot of hammering over top of hollow space, so it echos through the entire house. And my work called, I didn't answer nor am I calling back. I'm not in the mood to pretend there's a possibility I know the answers to the questions they're asking. There's a ton of pictures missing and nobody knows where they are, and customers keep coming in and giving us shit. What the hell am I supposed to do? I guess this is what happens when 3 partially trained girls are running a photography studio (and get this... I'm the oldest of all three of them) And people keep complaining to me about the other 2 girls, one of them I met for about 20 minutes, and the other I've only talked to on the phone twice. Bah. I'm beginning to think this isn't the job for me either... too much responsibility, plus no management for any help. What the hell? Tomorrow I have to do the sunday close cuz we're closed on sunday, and i've never even worked a sunday before, so I don't know what the hell to do, I have to do what is called 'cutting the film' which has to be done with my arms in a black bag, so I can't see what I'm doing. And there's a bunch of other shite that has to be done, I know something is going to be forgotten. But I figure maybe in a month or so (if I can last that long) then maybe I should go get a job at Garage, although I suppose I should have gone for the holiday season as opposed to just after. Oh well. There has to be some job out there that I would enjoy, isn't there??
I'm probably what could be stated as... less than excited about xmas. I find that working totally takes all the excitement out of it. And I'm not exactly stoked about darren being gone for the weekend. He doesn't really seem to care either way though. i sent him a text messege explaining that his indifference really hurts me sometimes, but he didn't get the message, so I guess it's probably better that way. I dunno though.
I feel sort of restless today, like no matter where in the house I am or what I'm doing, it just doesn't feel like the right place.
All my xmas shopping is done except I have to buy some cousin a gift for the stupid family draw I'd rather not even be participating in and something to go along with my brother's. He and I went in on rather large gifts for our parents this year, his idea, not mine. Way more than I would have spent. But it's ok I guess. Thank goodness for visa, mine's completely maxed. My cheque didn't get here today, as i was hoping, and my HMV money i still mysteriously MIA... I'll call there next week if it doesn't show up. Still a huge big fucking piss off.
Oh and something else exciting... my regional manager took away all my shifts at work, after tomorrow, except for new years ever, so i get new years eve and xmas eve. Fucking bull shit.
Time to go before I get myself even more angry.

life - death