2005-12-19, 1:16 a.m.

So we spent last night in Claresholm. His parents are so good to us, sometimes it's really nice to be pampered and spoiled. They always are asking if we need a drink or a snack etc etc. I don't need to be waited on, but sometimes it's nice to be acknowledged. I guess that by growing up in a house with an overly demanding brother and father, sometimes I get missed because I'm a little bit more passive about my wants, comparatively. His mom bought me a birthday present (silky pj pants and a tank top with a matching mini bath robe, all in baby blue :) ) I am quite impressed, except the thing is, I've never in my life worn a size medium, and both she and my grandmother bought me medium sized pjs for my birthday... She also sent me home with a big green box for my xmas gift, and I really wanna know what it is, and Darren said that there's more to it that he still has to buy... I should do my xmas shopping in the next couple days, but my money is verrry tight so I dunno how well I'm goig to do. But the good news (to me and not to Darren) is that I've FINALLY lost a FEW of the pounds I've put on over the past monthes, I don't think anything is visible yet, but I feel so much better, maybe if this keeps up I'll try on my normal (but not my skinny) jeans. I'm tired of my fat jeans. Even though I've been in sweats for like the past week, but purely for comfort reasons.
But yeah. Claresholm... most of the night last night was soo nice, got to spend some time with Kevvie, I missed him! There mom's house is absolutely decorated like mad, but it has a very peaceful atmosphere, I felt so at peace there last night and this morning, just soo happy to be there.
Kevin was all stoked for everybody to go play music in this kids garage, and I was pretty drunk by the time we got there, and just realized, that I reeeally didn't want to be there. So I went to 7 11 to pee, with the intention of walking back to Dare's parents place afterwards, (there was a sign in 7 11 looking for a horse that was lost in a blizzard on dec. 5, that was sad but sorta funny too) so i went back to the garage to tell Darren I was leaving,but he wouldn't let me walk back alone (I sorta waneted to be alone, but it was reeally cold out, and I was drunk and sorta sad) so he drove me in kev's car. I felt bad about him having to leave cuz he never jams with others anymore, but Kev and mike showed up shortly after cuz Mike wasn't enjoying himself, so I felt slightly less bad. I often feel outcasted, but last night was bad, the guys they were playing with, didn't really acknowledge me and I was just standing there in the corner with fucking cold feet and having to pee, and just remembering over and over again about what it feels like to be left... for a band. I don't give a damn about mike anymore (different mike that stated about) and we havn't talked in monthes, but just the idea of it all is still very real. Perhaps if the circumstances would have been right last night, like had I been sober, had warm feet and not been on the verge of peeing myself, then it might not have been that bad, but I just knew it wasn't the place for me last night, the night would have inevitably ended with me in tears. So we went back to Kev/Dare's parents house and me and Dare had a hot tub and all 4 of us hung out for a while, I had such a headache from drinking, then sobering up, then having another drink. I couldn't sleep for hours and their dad woke us up at 11 and then 12... Me and Dare had some cuddles, which was soo nice, it was amazing to cuddle without one of us falling off the bed.
And during this cuddle session, the monumental statement was made... he's thinking of an engagement ring.
For next xmas. It's a long ways away, but it's progress from what he's said before (ranging from 5-15 years from now) And then getting married about 3 years from then. And this is all considering that we can still tolerate each other in a year from now.
Bah I'm sooo frikken tired, I've barely slept for days, not much or very well. I have an exam at 3pm tomorrow, I havn't so much as cracked my book yet, it's not a cummulative exam, so it's not nearly as hard as most finals, but still, I'm lazy and that's bad. Then after my exam tomorrow I think me and dare are gonna go to the zoo to see all the aminals and the lights, Tuesday I should figure out my xmas shopping and try to get some done, it will be MY day, then on wed I'm back to work until xmas. Hopefully my paycheque will make it here by friday *crosses fingers* otherwise... my already limited budget will decrease substantially. And HMV owes me about 60 bucks, but nobody down there seems to know where it is... So if neither cheque arrives, then I have 80 bucks to do xmas on and put gas in my car, me and Dare are waiting for Mid jan. to exchange gifts, which is good cuz I wanna get him something fantastic (something that is not an xbox)
But I should go to sleep so i can get up to study in the morning (well late morning...)

life - death