friends where are you?!?
2005-11-29, 10:32 p.m.

Well my mood has improved greatly over the past couple of days, I guess it had to come sooner or later.
I'm now officially working 2 jobs, Calvin at HMV *shudders* has given me the same shifts for the next couple weeks so that I dont have to try and juggle with him, but the girls at wal mart have gone through and made schedule for the next 6 weeks (wtf?) and they both know I need the 11-20 of December off for my exams, and the regional manager, who is a super big bitch (with a super big ass) got all pissed off, and had a fight with one of them about giving me the time off, so then talked to the OTHER girl, and had her schedule me in for when she knew I was working. She's sorta manipulative to say the least... oh well. It sucks right now to be working EVERY DAY as well as going to school every day, but I know when I start getting pay cheques it's going to be soo awesome.
So I guess being so busy helps me to stay a little bit more happy, but I'm having anxiety attacks, I worry at night until I can't sleep. I did alright today, except I nearly crashed my car into a cement barrier, and shook so bad and hyperventilated, then when i got into the parking lot on campuss i called my mom and was pretty much in tears "it was scary mom..." yeah pathetic. i guess everybody deals with stress differently. yesterday i was panicing about calling calvin and telling him i could only work certain days... but it went over ok.
tonight was my first night back at HMV and it went fairly well, I seemed to have forgotten how slow the time can pass there. But it's nice to be working with people and there is more customer interaction instead of being the 'silly lady' who is taking peoples' kids portraits. it's absolutely mortifying sometimes, i feel so stupid playing with puppets and making stupid noises to unresponsive children while their parents stand there and watch me...
But on the happiest note of all...
Alli is getting her first set of diamonds for her birthday. After many shopping trips and arguments, Darren went to Ben Moss Jewelers, all on his own and picked me out some earrings. He showed them to me to make sure I liked them, and if not he could return them and find something I did like before my birthday. But I love them, they're soo beautiful. I've never had diamonds (or any other really nice jewelry) before... It's kinda funny that I've bought 3 chains for various people, and only ever gotten one...
and something else... I sent an email to pretty much everybody in Calgary who I know, on sunday night, and I've gotten ZERO responses. sorta sad. Looks like my birthday will be me and Darren. Oh well, I guess I've known for a while now that he's pretty much all that I've got and he's the only person who cares, or maybe he doesn't even REALLY care.. But close enough.
And on a very very sad note, one of my closest friends lost his mom on sunday night. She took her own life, with pills they suspect. I know a lot of my friends have met him, and if all of you could do whatever it is you do to help somebody, whether it be a prayer or some sort of spiritual messege, whether it be to him, his mother or his family or whoever it is you believe in, say something for him. I'm not really the sort of person who usually would condone this sort of thing, but he needs it right now. I'm sure most of us could never imagine losing a mother at this point in our lives. Especially not to suicide.
The thought is too much to bare.
Sorry to end my more upbeat than usual messege with such a sad note...

life - death