2005-09-03, 11:51 p.m.
well today i did the most physically challenging thing i have ever done in my life... as far as i was told, we were going to the ice caves. i think we figured you park, walki in a bit and there were caves. but no. we walked in for what felt like a day but was probably 1-2 hours (darren says 5-6km) and there was still no cave. i was tired and wanted to be done after about 45 minutes. but darren wouldn't let me be a quitter. and up the mountain we went. and up and up. the trail pretty much ended when the trees did and it was pretty much just rock. so here i was, never having climbed anything other than stairs in my life, scaling the side of this huge mountains. huge blisters quickly formed at the heels of each food, and are still sooo sore. then... after climbing and climbing darren realized we were going the wrong way or something, so we had to cut across the mountain, which was difficult. but we made it. VERY slowly. i kept darren back from his coworkers, and i feel bad about that, but he wouldn't let me go back. i took a lot of rests, to drink water. but the higher we got... i kind of had this feeling. like maybe, if there is a heaven. then i was as close to it as i'd ever been. i wanted to stay there. in the middle of the mountain, barely balancing on rocks beneath the scorching sun. i wanted to talk to my grandpa, let him know i was close to him, and thinking of him. i thought about my cousin too. SO there i was, enduring enourmous amounts of physical pain, i was terrified, of falling, of dying, worrying i was ripping my jeans from sliding around on my bum so much. I saw the ice cave, it scared me, and decided to go back out while I could still see light from the entry. it was enormous, but very dark and cold. my little mag light wasn't doing much. i figured that since i couldn't see very much, and i was scared. i might as well not put myself through it. it was nice to get out of the heat for a while though. and to get some food into my body which was quickly crashing. im glad i had my mother's assistance in packing a lunch this morning (i made my pita myself though!!!-->this is probably a surprise to anybody who knows me) she suggesed putting in a can of orange juice and cookies and a few other things. although i couldn't really eat much, i think my nerves were making me nauseus.
so down the mountain we went. (my initial plan was to curl into a little ball, protect my head and roll down, but it sounded a little dangerous) i lost my footing once, and just shreiked. fell flat on my ass once, and let the tears come to my eyes, and yelled at darren for laughing at me, and then for patronizing me. got a few drops of rain, and we're so lucky that the storm never caught up to us, those few drops of rain were soo cold, and the wind was starting to pick up a little. to the bottom we made it. i was able to calm down a little... but the walk back to the parking lot was dreaful. i was so tired i could barely keep my eyes open, my legs felt like they were made of cement, the blisters were killer. it took probably over 2 hours to get back because i was going to slow.
but all in all. i survived.
i do feel like an old lady tonight, my knees, bum, back, ankles, feet and hands all hurt like hell. my hands have little scratches all over them from grabbinh onto rocks, trees and other random objects that i hoped would break my fall.
I gained a little respect for myself today. for pushing myself past what i ever thought i'd be capable of. darren was proud, he said i was determined, and that he would never call me a wuss again (we'll see about that) i burned A LOT of calories, which also makes me feel good.
I couldn't even carry my pack myself, had to get a piggy back across the river, and shed a few tears. but i made it. I'm sunburnt as hell (but hey i'll have a nice tan for school on tues-->my back and shoulders are bright red, except for a white strip down the middle where my braid was hehe). And i doubt i will be wearing shoes for many days. I made it. And now i'll never be doing that again.
City girls whos parents idea of a good recreational activity could include, perhaps an indoor pool, or a leisurely stroll along the river (with a car within eye sight and bathrooms with running water always near) But darren took such good care of me, he held my hand, and caught me when i got going down the slope too fast... *sigh* so in love...
so yeah. i should be tired. i walked all day on 4 hours of sleep.
we are staying at his cousin's house in mackenzie again tonight. he went to sleep like 2 hours ago, but i brought the wrong traveling pants book and wasn't ready to sleep.
and just a few minutes ago, i thought i heard something. it sounded like somebody at the front door, the cat, which had previously been sleeping behind me heard it too. so i woke darren up. and down the stairs my baby went in his boxers and his fists in the air... what a good man, protecting his girl (and Peanut Butter --> the cat)
now it seems silly. it weas probably the newspapar being delivered or something (do they came at 12:20, i thought they were supposed to come at like 5 or something) it reminds my of the episode of Reba where they hear something in the night, and Van leads Cheyanne and Reba down the stairs with a plastic cheer leading baton, and it ended up being a tree (which he had neglected to trim) hiting a window.
silly girls... (i'm no exception)
I love you Darren, even though you don't read this often anymore, out of fear I'm writing mean things about you)
life - death