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2005-06-30, 10:56 p.m.

self pity, and then more self pity
what more could a girl ask for
i think i'm depressed. again.
those stupid coldplay posters sold on ebay. for $14.50. im pissed. that's barely worth my going to the post office and trying to figure out how to ship them. shoulda let stupid coworker just take them for his stupid girlfriend or whoever.
never ending nausea and headache.
ashley came for lunch with me at work today, that makes me super happy. darren came to see me on monday to get his wallet and bring me my shoes.
bah. not gonna sit here right now. --------- later-1am --------- i think i've realized part of my problem, i'm looking for somebody to help make me happy, and there's nobody around. for days i've just wanted to talk, to the point i have leave darren's at night to keep myself from keeping him awake all night. and it just feels like there is nobody to talk to. other than darren, i'm so alone, i feel like nobody cares. i'd like to think that i'm feeling this way partially due to the frame of mind that i'm in, but i can't be too sure. no matter how hungry i am, and how little i consume, i can't put a single thing in my mouth without the hugest feeling of undeniable guilt. maybe going out to the mountains this weekend will be good for me, to clear my head, be a tough girl and go hiking with darren and his friend chris and his girlfriend christa (is that fucking hilarious or what) i think i can handle a hike, but i'm still not too sure about the whole peeing on the ground thing, gonna have to work on that. i came down to just get some juice and kind of got distracted. and i have to add that even though i havn't talked to anybody online for a while cuz my msn broke, nobody wants to talk to me now that i'm using emessenger. ok enough of the pity. i'm going back to reading.

life - death