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2005-06-08, 2:29 a.m.

i realized my problem. im in a path of self destruction. it seems like i want to cause harm to myself, i want to hurt. i had a blade taken to my flesh during sex tonight, i asked for it, and enjoyed it. most would say that's twisted. i don't think there's anything wrong with a bit of s&m, to an extent.
i need to do something, change something. i don't know... i am continuously contemplating various piercings, i think i'd end up taking any facial piercings out before they healed if i had to go do something where i might feel as though piercings were inappropirate. there are a few more i want in my ears, but they just take so damn long to heal.
well again i am sorry for the neuroticism. must find my kitty and go to bed.
must drive 240...

life - death