2005-04-08, 3:05 p.m.

I'm exhausted beyond belief. I don't know whether I'm body is still confused from the time change or whether I'm still fighting some sort of sickness, could also be from spending every evening outside working on my car, who has been officially named Damien the Rust Rocket. OHH YEAH. I suppose the rust rocket part will be dropped after i fix it up. The car should go on monday. I'm hoping.
My phone rang 3 times through my 3 hour sociology lecture, one being my dad, I'm assuming that work called, thinking I was supposed to be. Fucking idiots. I was scheduled to work today during the day (for what reason would i miss school to go to work...?) i talked to somebody about it they said fine, but I'm doubt he passed the message on, so somebody probably called my house "where the hell is she?" not my problem. And david called, wonder what he wants this time...
The past is emerging from so many areas. I've been seeing Mike, which brings back so much from the past few years. My head doesn't really know what to think. And then yesterday I was outside prancing about in my new little skirt, and this [very cute] guy drives by, totally staring, he's with a girl so i'm confused, the drives by again, i'm like hmm... i think i recognize him, he pulls over hops out of his van and walks over, and it is none other than Ryan Bell. wow. I was so excited to see him. Little does he know he was being passively stalked for about a year. Ok not being stalked, but Pen and I were trying to find any trace of our 'BC boys' after they all seemingly disappeared. That group was the only time in my life that I actually felt like I belonged to a 'social circle' i miss that all the time. probably missing the feeling of belonging more than i actually miss the people themselves, rowdy party boys, altough there were some very fun nights, as well as some very very scary ones. Kind of makes me think about Ricky, it was pretty neat being the trophy girlfriend. Somebody he was sooo proud of to show me off to his friends and coworkers. He's always have me pick him up places where he knew that everybody would see me. he loved introducing me to everybody "and this is my girlfriend" it's probably not exactly the best foundation for a relationship, but it was fun while it lasted. *sigh* sometimes i can't decide whether i miss being a 'party girl' or not. there were some really good times, i'm sure we'll do more of the same this summer. but for now i must focus of finishing up this semester and my extreme amount of school work, making it through this weekend of work *grumble grumble*
getting the 240 on the road and being nice to my d. and now im going home to return all my phone calls, have dinner, and either nap or start some papers. fuck. this sucks.

life - death