i havn't really felt like this in years, although today and yesterday have been better than the past few weeks. i've been myself into some sort of funk. all i want is candy, sleep and sex. not totally a bad thing. but i actually awoke before my alarm this morning because i was wanting the final item on this list so bad. how masculine of me. i wasn't erect tho (haha) and last night i called the person i so often used to call only when in my lowest of low states. everything's different, we used to talk for hours, we barely lasted 15 very awkward minutes. he's got a girlfriend named Ali, she's younger than i am. i kind of have to laugh at the fact that he thinks he's changed, but i guess if i did, and i was just like him, he can too? i feel calm. better than i have for a while, nicely filled with sugar, listening to Brand New, awaiting darren to be off work. I miss having the internet at home, I can't write my pure unfiltered thoughts while sitting admidst a while bunch of other kids. writing needs privacy. My last entry was neurotic, very much so. i was pretty tipsy, sitting on braden's family computer. i didn't mean to offend by it, i would alter it, but perhaps it means something... i'm not sure yet.