i was feeling pretty low. made some calls. i made a realization. everybody tonight is out with their social circle, which i do not have, or their boyfriend. i ended up and BP's with braden. i had a drank, started to feel a little better, so i had another. the stabbing pain inside is gone. im still sad and thinking way too much, but it just doesn't hurt as much... im still pretty drunk. 5 monthes today. was not supposed to be spent like this. i could not have felt more pathetic. sitting on my bed alone. crying. listening to brand new. waiting. always waiting for that phone to ring. it rang as i entered BP with braden. "we're going to cowboy's if you wanna come" well fuck you. you don't go to cowboy's with me. i won't humilate you in front of your friends. i need to sober up enough to be taken back to my car. fuck.