fall to pieces, and I'm still falling
2004-12-01, 1:55 a.m.

My dad is yelling again... This time at my brother. As I left the house tonight he was screaming at me out the front door something about me having to pay rent, when I came home 2 hours later he was perfectly fine... It really doesn't make a difference who he's screaming at, I hate it so much. He doesn't understand why I'm never here, it's because of him, because I can't tolerate it here. I was online at Pen's house and came home to continue some conversations, and he told me not to touch the computer (nobody was using it so I didn't see the problem), and I said I just needed to go on a bit and he yelled at me saying that all I ever think about was myself, I could see the look on my brother's face from across the room, astonished... I wonder if he's upstairs in his room, feeling how I do. If he's choking back tears like I am, if he cries himself to sleep at night because of my dad, like I used to. I feel bad for him sometimes, I can leave, sort of, at least until he's gone to bed, if I had to I could make enough money to move out. But my brother is stuck here for quite a while longer... I'm so fucking frustrating. I have so much shit to do, 2 papers to write by next wednesday, and a project for monday, the stress is causing me to freeze up, and just sleep all day. I skipped my first class today and slept til 1, the mere idea of getting up at 10 seemed ridiculous... it's time for me to go bed im sure...

life - death