i love wal mart.
2004-11-29, 1:20 a.m.

argh. my dad is such a dick sometimes. you haven no idea how embarassing it is to have your dad send your boyfriend home. i wanted to cry, not for any particular reason. i have lost all capability to cry i think. mostly anyways. darren has figured out my not so subtle secret, and unlike most people, he's on my case about it, most guys are like ok well whatever. although he doesn't really understand, he's still tryung to hard to help. i want to be good for him, and not make him worry, but i don't really know if it's something that i can work on. the guilt right now of eating tears me apart, it's almost enough to make me not want my next meal. but he knows when i havn't eaten, and then we debate the topic until we're both blue in the face.. again... im rambling about stuff that i normally would never write anywhere, or tell a soul, but for some reason, here i am. again. i dunno why i've been such a diary whore lately. i wanna drop out of school, and make enough money to get financing on a car... i want a civic as well as a 240 and an eclipse. in a year and a half, after im done at mount royal, i may take a year off, try and put some money towards my student loan and get a car, and hopefully get enough energy for the 3-6 years of university ahead of me. i hate the way my coworkers respond to me when they find out that they're going to be working a future shift with me, i used to think it was a "joke" but it happens enough now and with enough different people, that it kinda burns, i get the point. when im done school in the spring i'd like to get a job at best buy, i don't know why, i just like their car audio set up, and i can park my car there! and maybe at garage, but i'd prolly hate working there, 15 year old stupid girl coworkers and clientelle. this entry kind of jumps all over the place, and it's getting ridiculously long (ashley looked ridiculous up in the dictionary one day for me at college, i hope i'm spelling it right, ilove you sparkles) i've been beating myself up really bad lately, i feel i've done wrong... and i keep dwelling on minor embarassing incidents. i need to go to sweden and investigate their doors. oh and Pen and I (she is no longer named Clint, due to the original clint being a dick head, and extremely fat) are going to ikea this week and then to have wings. im excited. darren and i are going on some dates this week, im excited. im turning 19 on friday, i don't really know what to think of that... basically nothing. i thought i had somethign else to say... although i've obviously said enough... im going to bed...

life - death