2004-11-24, 12:45 a.m.

and another late night parked at the side of the road in front of my house with braden, listening to country music. it's nice to have a male friend is not (actively) trying to jump me. Pen and I went on our pasta date, the real Clint and Braden joined us, I was sarcastic, i think i have some more repressed rage that is about to surface. clint called me and yelled at me for no apparent reason later on, so pen called and told him off. i miss my D, he's sick, i bet it's the avian bird flu, im not sure why... but just a suspision, and i'm just kidding. i find when you initially meet somebody and are really attracted to them, that as you get to know them the strong physical/sexual attraction kind of... subsides, they're still beautiful or whatever, but they're just... them. but with darren, i find him more and more beautiful all the time, he just amazes me. i was looking through some pictures of him on kev's computer last night, and i couldn't help but stare. nothing has felt quite so right in so long, but i guess things don't feel quite so right when you're sleeping with boys you barely know. i try to keep my personal thoughts on my boyfriend in my private journal, but it's like i want the entire world to know how i feel... and it's soo damn good. every time my phone rings, i want it to be him, through out the day when he sends me text messages, i feel myself smiling, this secret silly smile. after i met his, the (sorta) first time, i wrote a poem about him that was essentially about how beautiful he was, because that's just the word to describe him. i never in my wildest dreams thought i'd ever get to be near him, much less be with him. i love hearing him referring to me as 'my girlfriend' and him warning pen to keep her hands off his girlfriend or they were going to have issues. i am overwhelmed and stunned. *sigh* i should go to sleep, and hope he feels better tomorrow because i miss him. I'm so tired, but it's like I want to stay up so I can continue to day dream about him...

life - death