crossing my fingers and my t's.
2004-06-09, 11:41 p.m.

well pen's mom called me slightly after i woke up this afternoon. Apparently the surgery went well. And yes i did sleep until mid afternoon today, around 1 30 or 2... I then read for a long time. And as silly as it is, I got all dressed up in my new cute little skirt, to sit on the deck alone. Feeling slightly rediculous i got back into bed, skirt and all to cry. for no reason really. it just seemed like the right thing to do. I went to wal mart, not really because i wanted to go to wal mart, but i needed some music, the silence in this house all day was really getting to me. avril first, and then back to underworld. i felt a lot better after i got back. just that i left the house, and that i got to wal mart and back. it wasn't where it used to be, so i went to the original location, and it looked like the place burnt down... so i found out where it was and drove the outer west city limits. basically the middle of nowhere. i guess once again, it's just the fact that i CAN do it on my own. i came back here and began to write pen a letter to take her to the hospital tomorrow, and then my aunt came to get me to take me out for dinner, i ate about 1/5 of my food and had the rest of it packaged up, i was gonna eat it for breakfast tomorrow, but my uncle ate it, and it made me feel horribly sick. i want to spend money, buy myself something extravagent, i guess to make myself feel good, but all i want is cds, clothes, this cool discman and a camera. i bought pen a big white fluffy teddy bear, i'm going to get her some flowers as well, and im going to get my aunt some flowers too. this sounds as though it was written by a 6 year old, my sweetie doesn't seem to be coming onto msn. i will bury myself back into my book, i've read it a million times, but it always makes me cry.

i love you baby. and i miss you so much. tomorrow... mmm tomorrow. i hope your sex drive is ready for me. hahahaha.

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breath in for luck

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life - death