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2004-06-09, 12:16 a.m.

how do you say good bye to somebody when there is the remote possibility of it really meaning good bye... my grandma never says good bye, she says "bye for now" in a way it's comforting. pen and i went for a swim before i left her at the hotel... as she got out of my car, she said she loved me. she never says it first. she kinda just says it as an obligation. but she really did. it was sooo hard not to cry in front of her, but i can't cry in front of her. i have to be strong for her right now. when all i want to do is crawl into my sweeties arms and cry for a day. but i won't. i can't get home until thursday. my tires are fucked. it's probably not a brilliant idea to drive home on them, it probably wasn't even too smart to drive here in the first place, but i guess you gotta do what you gotta do. i sat outside all day today, just waiting, for the sky to fall i guess. i got a wicked sunburn. it's gonna hurt. but it might turn into a nicer tan in a couple days, compaired to my usually ghostly whiteness. i wish i had my discman soo bad. for whatever reason i left it at home... curl up in the bedroom that i wish was mine, and just be lost... maybe i should go buythe one that i want from london drugs so badly. it's only 100 bucks, i'd have to put it on my visa, but anything i have to do to my car has to go on my visa so it might be a smarter idea to not put anything unncessary on it.

michael---you fill me with such happiness, a reason to come home which i never used to feel. i can't wait to see you. breath in your scent. hear your voice. i want to feel your arms around me. one thing i know for sure... is i never want this to end.

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Breath in for luck

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life - death