meaningless nothingness
2004-04-26, 1:53 a.m.

Today was one of those days... When I woke up with the beginnings of a migraine, which meant that I couln't really talk normally, comprehend what was being spoken to me and what was creepy was that I couldn't feel my right hand. Well I just accidently hit print and printed off this screen. Complete with the first 4 lines to my shitty diary entry... So I was ever so slowly trying to get some work done, after a couple times to the bathroom contemplating whether or not I was going to throw up. I finally got some stuff done, but I couldn't stand up, I rolled around on the stool with wheels. hehe. How ridiculous. It was very obvious that I'm the young one there... Until 12 it was me and 3 24 year olds, and then at 12 a guy who is 20 came in. They have real lives, like they're allowed to take brig trips with their significant others, I feel like a baby. Just a college student who will have a semi useless degree 3 years from now. Oh well... That's more than most people I know will ever have. I'm pretty sure that none of my coworkers like me. This one guy and I usually beat on each other a bit. But today this other guy who's usually pretty calm just came in and like wacked me in the back. It hurt but I don't think they take me very seriously. None of this really has a point... But I'm thinking of giving my notice... I work 25 hours next week and 38 the following, so I'll have some fairly decent paycheques coming in. And then I would take the rest of May off, to go to Kelowna with Mike and see Pen in Edmonton. And then once she's recovering at home I'll want to spend a lot of time with her. Again... This is all meaningless. I hate my job. It makes me feel like useless shit. Retail is like that though I suppose.

I ate so much chips and junk during 21 Grams tonight. I feel like I must be carrying an extra 18 pounds.

So we watched 21 Grams. It was good. But I didn't like the things it made me think about. The type of things that people such as myself have to work at keeping out of our heads. It was like a whole bunch of different families/groups of people, and they slowly intertwine into one another. The one that sticks in my head the most, the most heartbreaking was this woman, and she had a husband and these two beaitiful daughters. And one night she learns that all 3 of them have been killed in a car accident. Because the thing is... car accidents happen every day, not just in the movies. You could have the life you've been dreaming about forever, and this is how it could all end. All vanished with no warning, no way to erase it. Nothing will change what has happened no matter what. And while the 3 of them are gone, you'd be left... alone.

I'm not writing as articulately as I would like to, and it's frustrating me. So I think I'm going to go to bed. Try and convince my kitty to snuggle. He's not usually a very good snuggler tho. And tomorrow i shally study... tons of fun.

life - death