It's alright to itty bitty :D
2004-03-14, 11:38 p.m.

i had to take the bus home from work today. because nobody was at home to pick me up and i didn't have enough money to park downtown. so i ended up at this bus stop that me and mike have spent a fairly significant amount of time at. and it led me to thinking about the very beginnings of our relationship, and the precedings to it, and all the nights we have spend wandering the streets of downtown. I remember Dustin talking about his friend Mike. And I knew before I even met him, that we had a lot in common. So eventually I got to meet this infamous Mike, for days, i thought about mike for weeks, and I would try ever so inconspicuously to ask dustin questions about him. I wanted to see him so bad. So finally dustin left, and i waited what i thought was an acceptable period of time to make moves on an ex's friend. I finally got the nerve, and tracked mike down... we talked on msn. we got along. so we met for coffee. I was ecstatic. We met in this coffee shop just outside of downtown, we sat their for hours, he ordered something caramel like, and then he had a smoothie, i remember him telling me that he was trying to get enough change to do laundry. we finally left the place, we walked around downtown for hours, it was so cold, he didn't have a winter jacket, he was in his rage hoodie and a pair of his old huge jeans... i was infatuated. but I knew something would come of it. it had to, we were so perfect for each other. I remember sitting in the mcdonalds, where we ended up spending many moments together. we just talked and talked. and ended up on a bus bench on 17th ave. the bus just drove by, i figured he was probably bored of me, as much as i didn't want to leave him, i figured i should. but i was secretly happy the bus didn't stop. it meant we could keep talking. i put my head on his shoulder, and he rested his head on mine. i wanted to kiss him. but really didn't have the nerve. i couldn't even hug him. when he got off work in the morning and i was on my way to school we'd talk on msn. and make plans. i was always late for the bus cuz i just couldn't drag myself away from talking to him. the first night i went to his house he met me at the train station. he was leaning against a wall at the far north end. i had spagetti for dinner that night. we tried to watch tank girl (it gave me nightmares) but we got distracted and ended up facing each other on the couch. just talking and talking. i always refered to him as my boyfriend, long before it was even official. i knew we'd be perfect for each other... the first night we hugged... was the night of our first real date i guess, we went to red robin, we ate huge burgers, we both wore Hurley t shirts. i ate about half the burger. he told me later he would have found it really funny if i would have ate the entire burger because im so tiny, it would have been like the millions of clowns getting out of the tiny car. i know nobody reads this... but im just typing for the sake of it. remembering things. he hugged me, in front of 'my hotel' on 8th and 8th. we ended up there a lot... waiting for each other and the train. the first time we kissed... we ate fries... we had doritos with salsa but we didn't eat any. we watched monsters inc. and then mall rats. i looked at him, and said 'i really want to kiss you' he mumbled something (he mumbled a lot in the beginning, but either my hearing got better or his speaking for better) and we ended up kissing... he brought his bed blanket out of his room for me cuz i was cold, we later dubbed that blanket the cum fiesta. haha. and if josh misbehaved we'd try and get him with it. hahaha the new room mate was laying with it one night unknowing to what it contains. hahaha i laugh. we were sitting on the edge of the couch, and he pulled the blanket over us, and kissed me again... the first time he reached for my hand... we were looking at the calender stand in chinook... when he kissed me in public. at the train station at chinook. he let me stand a stair above him so i wouldn't be so short. the time felt like it was passing so slow. but it wasn't. in this period of about a month. i was making the best friend i could ever have, and the beginnings of the best romantic relationship i could ever ask for were forming. pretty soon we were inseperable. on monday november 11, 2002 he asked me out. the first time a boy asked me out. or gave me flowers. i nearly broke down in tears. i knew so quickly that i was falling in love with this boy. this tall gorgeous blonde. i knew i couldn't be without him. time has passed, and a lot has happened. but we're still together. deeply in love. i still know that i can't be without him. now or ever. we talk about moving in together in the fall (when his lease is up) we talk about marriage and children. realistically this can't happen right now, as much as i wish it were possible. I wish i was at the point in my life where i could settle down and be his wife. but at 18 and 21, we still have so much to do and see. wehave to travel before we have children. we have to live together. go to calaway park... we have a song. we bought each other chains that we always wear around our necks. we lay in bed for hours and hours. drifiting in and out of sleep. whispering to each other, talking about our love, our lives. how much we mean to each other. we're soul mates. best friends and lovers. more than most can ever find in a person. i know the depth that we are connected at. i would die for this boy. my peanut. my michael. and one day i will be the next mrs van doorn.

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and this is what i did instead of studying for a french mid term. im proud of myself. my cat got thirsty. so he sat by the bathroom sink. he's so smart.

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i love my little orange kitty from NY from my baby. i named it mitten.

this is the longest entry in an extremely long time. i had more to say. and i had it worded more poetically in my mind, hours ago. i love you.

life - death