You make me feel like a whore
2004-02-25, 12:38 a.m.

Today I sobbed in my bed, like I havn't done in quite some time, (being drunk doesn't count cuz I wasn't really sad) More and more I remind myself of the girl I was 2 years ago at this time. I wanted to die. More than anything. I spent more time than anything, crying in my room, listening to sad music, cutting those perfect neat little lines into my left arm. Over and over again, night after night. Eventually it felt normal. Nobody expected anything else of me. And it stayed that way, for a long time. It was when I met Dustin, I came back out of that little world I kept myself so securely tucked into. I know I've been told over and over again, that Dustin never really gave a shit about me, it was all about Amy. But he made me feel more important than I had ever felt before. He made me feel beautiful. And then he left, him leaving wasn't the devastating part, I was completely alright with that because we were never very close. It was just physical. But I was alone again... And I went back to crying in my bedroom. Cutting deep deep gauges in my right shoulder. And then... came Mike. Everything was alright with Mike, we were perfect together. I didn't cry as much. He didn't see my cry until nearly 6 monthes after we started dating. Over the past year, I have become so strong. Because I felt like I didn't deserve to be sad, I didn't have the right to cry because everbody's problems were bigger than mine. So I kept them inside. Recently I have regained all these complexes that I had thought were gone, I have this image, that I'm fat, and that people think I'm fat. I have these urges to cut myself. I want to, it's so tempting. But I never do it, because I know I'm better than that and I'm far stronger than that. I have this inferiority complex, more than anything else. But in times like these, the abandonment complex (which is usually very present) disapears because it already feels like I've been abandoned by all.

I don't get my car. It's ok I don't really deserve it.

I went to the store, and when I came back my cat was sitting on the stairs outside my house, he ran to my car, and waiting for me on the sidewalk, and then walked me into the house... Nicest thing that's happened in weeks.

You make me feel like a whore - Everclear


I take your word like it was gospel

I'm so eager to please

yeah I like it when

you talk to me

it feels so good inside your shadow

(it's the place I need to be)

yeah I know I need to climb you

like a tree

there is this place inside

where all the good things die

sometimes I feel like a whore

(sometimes I feel like a whore)

I hate the way I am around you

(I'm so nervous and weird)

sometimes I feel like I'm

breathing underwater

you treat me like I am on fire

like I'm something to eat

you make me hate what I see

when I see me

yeah I dream of the day

when I learn how to make you pay

someday I'll teach you to beg

someday, someday

yes I live for the day

when I can hear you say

you make me feel like a whore

yes I dream of the time

when I can make you mine

(maybe then I'll feel half alive, more

alive, so alive)

there is this place inside

where all the good things die

you make me feel like a whore


My teddy bear is covered in tears, my eyes are puffy. I deserve to cry, to hurt inside.

While you loved me I was beautiful. Now I am before you appeared, which is nothing. I'm sorry I could never be the princess you wanted me to be. The pretty girl you thought that I could be. I love you more than you think. I'm sorry I'm so worthless in your eyes. That you need a 14 year old to fill my shoes. All I need is the word, and I'll be gone. I promise.

I promise.

life - death