overbored and self assured
2003-07-27, 8:31 p.m.

I spent most of the day in the back seat of a hot car. I thought a lot. I should have wrote these thoughts down as they came, but I had a lack of paper handy. I thought about life, and death, living and dying, forgiveness, love and spirituality..Maybe faith? Driving through the prairies, and seeing nothing but the open fields and the foothills in the distance really opened my eyes, to yet? I'm not quite sure yet. The prairies seem to have such never ending forgiveness, people from other places complain about Alberta, say it's all just grain, but I seem immense beauty within this vast open space. If I were to want to find what most refer to is God, that is where I would go. To a wide open field, in the middle of nowhere and open myself up to the beauty this world potentially has to offer. It truly is what my grandma calls "God's country". The heat was unbearable, and the sky was hazy because of the forest fires, it was hard to breath. I saw the 2 places, other than Calgary where all my history is, the house my Great-grandmother was born and raised in, the house my great-grandfather built, it's this huge amazing red brick house, he did all the brick work himself, and 70 years later, it's still perfect, it's beautiful, it's the house my grandfather and his 9 brothers and sisters were raised in. I saw one of the houses my mom grew up in, the water canal where she cut her foot and had to go to the hospital and get stiches. She says it's a better place to raise kids, and it's the only time I've ever agreed with anybody that any place is better than Calgary. Small towns absolutely fuck children up. A big city is... well a big city, they can be scary places, but a city like Lehtbridge is fairly ideal. Driving down the busiest streets there makes Calgary look like a crazy town.

The funeral was quite nice, just a grave side thing in an ancient unkept cemetary just outside of Lethbridge, where his parents and one of his other deceased brothers are. It's so dry there that the ground is cracked in most places, my dad said to watch for hands reaching out. hehe. People had beautiful things to say of Arland, how he never wanted to put anybody out of there way, and how much he loved everybody, and cared for animals, but most people didn't fail to mention that he was hard to take care of and be around. They refered to his drug/alcohol problems as "demons." So many people showed up, all family except for a a couple of his old friends. Mostly mormons. It was neat, I didn't think there would be nearly that many people.

It was really really good to see my Grandpa (papa) who was in an accident on his moterbike a couple monthes ago, he seems really good.

I need to shower now. It's was 40C in that cemetary, which no shade, just the sun, and smoke.

life - death