Sometimes, it hurts to smile.
2003-03-01, 6:49 p.m.

"I want to run away, never say good bye"

I wish I could disapear for a while. That might be nice, Edmonton... YES YES YES. Just watch TV, shop and sleep for a week straight. Nothing beats a big screen tv and digital cable. hehe I make my self sound like a television junky but I'm not, i never watch it hardly. Ideas:sleeping pills in heavy doses, maybe an alcoholic tendency, nymphomania.

Supposedly Mike is mad at everybody in Alberta. This time I really don't know what I did, but as well all know I am the perpetual screw up, so there has to be something. Sometimes... Love does hurt. So I was kinda stressed for most the day. Due to that and having to go grad dress shopping. I was really worried about my mom seeing the scar on my arm, i hid it under my hair for quite a while, and then I had to move my hair and she was like "WHAT IS THAT SCRATCH FROM???" I told her I didn't know... She did not like that at all, she looked fairly upset, she prolly knows the truth though, from the rumours that were passed amongst my brother's hockey team in the fall. Even though I denied that too and made it seem like stupid Needham's were lying about it...It's just that she doesn't understand she asked if I did it cuz I was upset over a guy, she doesn't realize that I was hurting inside, and sometimes I didn't think I really wanted to live anymore, on an occasion I felt like this because of a guy, but it was never the whole reason. That's pretty silly. I did find some pretty dresses, none fit quite right, all too big in the boobs. LOL. But I didn't feel fat, i felt very beautiful, I wished Mike was there to see them. We're going to look sooooooo fucking hot at grad. SOOOO hot...All in black Cuz we're just a fucking dead sexy couple. OOOOH YEAH BABY. More than likely all in black. Oh just the idea is orgasmic. LOL. I think my brother just saw that. OOPS. I'm eating smarties again, I think if I eat enough of them I should get a lot smarter. hehe

I had to go say good bye to my car last night. Well really I was there to get everything out of it and get the stereo and speakers, which those assholes charged $85 to take out the stereo and 2 speakers, and then my dad had to get in and take out 1 more speaker, the 4th was stolen before I had the car. It was so sad tho, i climbed in the back seat to grab something and I smelled the familiar smell and it just made me so sad, it reminded me of the night that me and Mike parked at the air port and just watched the planes. I almost cried, i still want to cry over it. But i found out that my aunt smashed her car to bits last week, like 100% write off, but it was like a 1999 Sunfire, so it was a fairly nice car, sooo nice to drive. She's still really shaken up over it, but that's to be expected, I was a mess for like 3 weeks and my accident wasn't nearly that bad. And my other aunt got rear ended the same week, and she responded the same way I did, just hysteria, screaming and crying, but she got rear ended like 10 years ago and has had back problems ever since, and her car is like 2-3 monthes old. 2003 something something. I killed Big Pimping *cries* ... what can ya do.Tomorrow I have to do 3 Bio assignments and go shopping AGAIN. Maybe do Bio homework tonight?? I'm at a 43% now. YAY Me!! LOL I suck soo bad.

Hmm I kinda cheered myself up a bit. I'm thinking I should probably write pen an apology letter... even though she doesn't deserve it. I've been workong on this for half an hour. Time to do something new.

life - death