Lost and weathered.
2003-02-23, 11:52 a.m.

Ok, it's almost noon. Panic attack time... I can't stop moving. Extreme nervousness. I don't like this. Maybe I should type out what I wrote in my journal last night. Wanna see? Otay. *this will keep me occupied before I have a heart attack* I will have to run upstairs and grab it.

Ideas of him breaking up with me to go out with her keep flashing across my mind. Would he really do that to me? That would kill me SOO bad. When I think of the future, i can't picture being without him, I can't even think if what my life would be like if we wern't together... I really do love him. So much.

Those are real thoughts and real feelings, right from my heart. Or where ever it is they say that feelings come from. Hmm what shall I do now... maybe get dressed, i think my house is like 900 degrees and I'm wearing a lot of fleece PJs. Pjs are great. And I could clean my disaster of a bedroom. Kitty might get lost in there, than i would find Izzie corpse on the floor under all my clothes. That would be icky. I would throw up on the kitty corpse. eww. I'm icky. is it possible to gain extra testosterone from hanging out with guys too much? Occasionally I miss the girl interaction. It was nice to hang out with Nolie the other day. *sigh* my Nola. I miss Pencil. But the Pencil I knew doesn't exist anymore. She's a hardcore asian... hmm clothes now. clothes YES!!! *calm calm calm*

life - death