stupid me!
2003-02-15, 1:27 a.m.

no stupid me. why do i stupid things. i didn't want to know! but now i do! which makes me insane and curious. noooo... valentine's day is over. THANK GOD. i've always been single for it, and now im not... and guess what. i spent it with my parents. yeah im a LOOOSER. i know it's true. i think i have an allergy to february... cuz for as long as i can remember, or at least since i was 12, i've been depressed as fuck in february. for no apparent reason. i don;t know why im grouchy, irritable and sad. and why i have this indredible urge to drag sharp objects through my skin. it's so screwed up. well it's really me that is screwed up... i dont have a reason to be sad... i have an awesome boyfriend, im not overly stressed or anything, i have a friend or 2 (none of which actually hang out with me anymore...but hey that's what happens when all of a sudden a guy takes up half your time, so i can't complain) i kind of miss the female interaction though... namely Pen... we've drifted so far apart, i didn't even know she got accepted to U of C til yesterday when I read it on her webpage, that's sad...but i think im getting my ear peirced on sunday. so that'll be exciting, i've wanted it done for like 3 years. yay me. the cool little triangle type thing beside my face. i think it's called a Traggus or something? and then depending on the job i end up getting, ill get my eyebrow done sooner or later. mm needles going through skin. appetizing. yeah im gorry and morbid. my mind has been worped... it's so weird that like dr.'s needles cause me to faint, even just the thought, but otherstuff like excites me. i should seek therapy. hmm today is will's 20th b day... so weird. as i remember him, he seems sooo much younger than other 20 year old guys i know. maybe he was immature. i can't even remember anymore. hm this weekend is gonna be fairly lame. i played guitar for a long time tonight. i think what im playing almost sounds recognizeable now. that impresses me greatly. YAY ME! and i havn't really been tought, mike told me how to read tab, and that's pretty much it. and danny showed me a bit. but otherwise im self tought, which makes me feel slightly less stupid for being slow. mayeb when i get my own guitar i'll take some lessons. that'd be awesomeness and a half. im yawning. i feel like SUCH a dork. after i played guitar it was almost 1am... i started doing homework, for a class that im not in anymore and that should have been done like... oh 4-6 weeks ago. im just reeeeeally hoping the teacher will accept it, i already used the excuses that i couldn't get it done cuz of my accident, and then cuz my great-grandmother died. i don't think she bought any of it. but those were legit! im getting a cold. dammit. mike thinks he has strep throat. he better not, but i kinda doubt it cuz if he has it, he'd have the germs for a long time and i'd already be sick as hell. but im betting we're both gonna have colds, very very shortly. isn't that exciting...hmm yeah i think i might go to bed now. considering there is all of nothing going on right now... well it's almost 1 30 am, so that's to be expected. i need to get a life, but for people my age, that requires fake id, or to be asian i guess... i am not asian and have no id... well i suck...

life - death